Help! She does NOT want to be placed in a nursing home

As if her normal stubborness is not enough (still love her), my mother refuses to be placed in a nursing home.  Today, she had yet another episode of her fainting spells and again, my youngest – Jared, was at home to prevent her from falling to the ground.  These spells have been going on and off for some time now and as usual, when taken to the hospital by the Paramedics, it always turns out to be “nothing – just one of the things that comes along with being 88 years old”.  This is after all the numerous scans and tests that are run by various doctors, nurses and nurse practitioners.

We’ve tried nursing homes and also adult daycare and Mom refuses to cooperate with anyone there.  “I belong at home!  The Lord will protect me and I can help myself.  I’m NOT going to a nursing home!” 

The general consensus between myself and my three siblings is that, since she is absolutely against being placed anywhere for any amount of time, is to let her remain in her domain where she is comfortable, knows how to get around, can still prepare her own food, and can be alone in her own room.  We feel if she is forced into a home, it may just be the swift end of her life.  I do not desire to be ridden with guilt if she passes away in a home so…I’ll let her remain in the house where she is comfortable and familiar with the surroundings there.

I will admit that every time I get one of those calls that she is having or has had one of her passing-out spells, it gives me the chills and I feel like rushing her off the the next available nursing home for round-the-clock care and supervision.

However, I will not go against her wishes.  She has to be totally incapable of doing anything for herself, at which time, the decision will not be hers to make.

Caregiving is not easy, can be pretty challenging, but it’s something that we may all have to do at some point in our lives.

…From the Aspect of Grandmother and Caregiver

Mother’s Day this year was wonderful! The entire family, except one member, came by. That one member was my sister (Auntie Margaret to the children), as she hurriedly flew to Orlando to meet her new grandson, Shawn Nicolas. I was fine with that, remembering how I felt when I got my first one. Therefore, it was a perfectly legitimate reason for her absence.

I always feel like a queen when Mother’s Day rolls around. The effort and energy exuded by all makes the anticipation grow. In my current role as mother, grandmother and caregiver, I’m on top of the world as this is “MY DAY! It is truly a nice feeling being so desired by family! I even went an extra step and had most of the food for the affair catered, so that no one would be “tired” from all the work in preparation for the day’s event.

My two older grand-daughters ages 6 and 4 read (yes – read) something they wrote, while the baby – Amayah age 2, graciously read her little part “The End”! She beamed happily after playing her little part. Cards, gift cards, cakes, etc. etc. was plentiful this year. My mother, the grandest of all the mothers present, was ecstatic seeing everyone gathered around to salute her. “Almost all of you gathered here came from me. What a great feeling!” she said as she basked in her light bulb moment! “Yea Ma”, I replied. “This is all your doing!”

She made me experience my light bulb moment as a result, staring at my three children and their three children. These all came from me! Now it was my turn to beam!!

Yes – experiencing it from this angle was surely a nice, warm and fuzzy feeling and I am definitely looking forward to this super day in the coming years.

A new place for mom!

Well, I moved to a ranch-style home so mom wouldn’t have to worry about the stairs anymore. Same for me too (believe it nor not)as I actually fell down them! She really loves it. Nice wood floors, open floor plan, and even a really nice yard for summer time hanging out which she will be happy to be a part of. She didn’t like the other yard. “Too many trees” she said and it seemed pretty eerie to her. Even made the house more cold in winter months. The new house has trees but they are way in the back. We can see all around the entire yard. She even has a nice view from her window and can see cars going by. Mom loves it and that’s what counts right now as I really want to make her last few years as comfortable as I can make them.

Happily Caring for Mom

Yes, I’m happily caring for my mother! It’s pretty challenging at times, nevertheless it’s my task at hand right now!

It all happened before I realized it! My mom, who used to be this vibrant, going-about-her-business-all-day-long kinda woman, was suddenly one day now in someone else’s care. She would walk from here to Jericho (she’s Jamaican) and accustomed to walking long distances all her life. She would often tell us how she and her siblings walked 7 miles to and from school every…single…day! How’s that for fitness? No wonder longevity runs in her family. Most of the siblings that have passed, lived to be in their 90’s and she seems to be headed there too!!

Just my intro for now. Much more to share.

Are you a caregiver too? Share your info with me, will you?