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Love is more vibrant and becomes truly about companionship.”  ~Candice Bergen, Emmy-winning actress, 68.

This statement by Candice from an article in the April/May 2015 Edition of the AARP Magazine about later-in-life love, rings very true.  As we age, relationships are truly more about companionship.  Almost everyone who is a 50-pluser that I have discussed this with, shares this same view.

Having probably gone through many different experiences in relationships, true companionship becomes very important as we age.  Someone to have deep, meaningful conversations with, share our life experiences with, travel with, dine with, shop with, work-out with, dance and listen to good music with, talk about our children and grand-children with, discuss health concerns with—all these wonderful things that are so share-worthy.

In our younger years, we were probably busy having our various experiences and were just simply going about the daily business of living our lives.  But then one day we woke up, find we are now 50 years old and suddenly realize that this is now a completely different time in our lives.  Many of us might have gone through a separation or a divorce due to either the death of a spouse/significant other or, what I find is common among many of us, simply might have just grown apart from our spouse/significant other.  Things might have changed over the years and especially if you were married to someone who was a high school sweetheart or someone you grew up with, as we got older the various changes start happening.  The kids might have also now grown up and may have moved out of the house or gone off to college and we now find ourselves as empty-nesters.  Becoming a single empty-nester can be scary and so along with that usually comes the concern of not having good companionship which now becomes cause for major concern.

As a result, when next we go looking for love, we are this time looking mostly for someone who can provide true and solid companionship.  It is super important at this age and stage and many 50-plusers are looking for just that today.

You can call me crazy if you want to, but I believe good companionship can even lengthen our life-span and that the lack of it can probably shorten your life-span!  It’s therapeutic and essential, if you ask me.

Why are we so hard on ourselves?  Have you ever paid attention to the things you say to yourself sometimes?

 --You may look at a picture of yourself and it may not be one of your favorites and you say something negative about it.

--You may have made a mistake with something and you quickly call yourself an idiot or something similar to that.

 --You missed out on something you should have followed upon and a ton of negative words about how dumb you are comes flying out.

--I'm too fat.

--I'm too dark-skinned.

--I don't like my hair.

...and these are just a few of the instances of how we become our own worst critic.

Now​, if someone were to treat us in a similar manner, I bet it wouldn't be well received.  Am I correct?  You KNOW I am!  Then why do it​?

Let's begin to get seriously positive in the way we treat ourselves by doing the following:

--Don't criticize photo​s of yourself. Just observe the person in the photo. No judgments.​

--Don't ever call yourself stupid after you've messed up on something.

--Don't complain about any part of your body--be it your face, stomach, legs, arms, hair...no part on your body!

--Don't blame yourself for someone else's actions, even ​if ​it's your own child.

--​Refuse to go into a depressive state because you lost your job.  Know that when one door closes, another one opens (just listen to Bob Marley). This is an opportunity to let yourself feel hurt and angry, and then to move on to explore your brand new life options!

--Don't blame yourself because someone treated you wrong; instead, ​consider that it may be their loss.

--Don't blame yourself if a loved one walked out on you.  It means they were not meant for you.  Instead, ​grieve, but don't let it consume you. Make it your priority to remember that you can move on and say...NEXT!!

--Don't dress to suit anyone but yourself.  Be comfortable in your own skin.  Experiment with new colors this fall! Post the pictures on your social media accounts and celebrate yourself!​

As you begin to be positive and comfortable with your own self and not depend on the thoughts and opinion of others, you find that you exude more confidence and that it will even show that you're doing just that.

In my younger years, I was guilty of being my worst critic because I cared so much about what people thought.  Now as a middle-aged woman, I'm a work in progress and I'm definitely not as hard on myself as I used to be.

Go ahead and work on yourself if you need to.  You know the saying...better late than never.

 

 

 

I just returned from the funeral of a relative in Florida and while I sat there during the funeral service, reality set in.  You might ask how come it's just now setting in so let me correct myself by saying...reality set further in.

As we continue to age, we middle-agers are now experiencing the reality of our parents and other older relatives becoming sick or disabled and the entire process that comes along with that, until the day they pass.  Then there's the preparation for the viewing, the funeral and the repast.

When I was a young girl, a funeral was an entirely sad occasion.  Today it's more of a celebration of the life of the deceased.  People are now beginning to say that their loved one would have wanted a celebration...not an entire two days of constant mourning and sadness.

Families go all out at these celebrations these days.  Good food, music,a  meet-and-greet for those who haven't seen each other for ages (yes--sometimes several years!)...an unplanned family reunion for sure.

That is what this one I attended turned out to be and it was great!  We ended up spending the entire day together for a funeral that started at 10:00am.  E-mail addresses and phone numbers were exchanged.  iPhones and iPads were pulled out to show pictures to bring each other up to date.  Singing, dancing, picture-taking, reminiscing on the life of the deceased...just a wonderful celebration overall.

I much rather the occasion being called a "celebration" and certainly not a "funeral" because after all, everyone was gathered to celebrate the life of the deceased...not the passing.

Are you dating and loving it? Care to share? Inquiring minds want to know...lol!! MaleFemaleSign

For some of us it's a challenge and for others it's a welcoming activity.

As a woman, I'm finding it to be a little of both. On the challenging side, what I'm finding is that there are men who seem to be going through their “middle-aged crisis” and are therefore not realistic about whom to date. These are the ones that are looking for women that are much younger than they are and these women are mostly looking for a “sugar daddy” so to speak. After they have derived the benefits sought, they usually move along either to the next “sugar daddy” or to someone in their own age group.

On the other hand, the men who are indeed realistic are usually pleasant to converse with and make great dating prospects. This is the group that middle-aged women are usually successful in finding a partner.

Believe it or not, some middle-aged women don't know what they want either. Some are playing the “sugar-mama” role only to yield the same results as the “sugar-daddies.” But for ones of us – like myself – who are indeed realistic and stay in our lane (lol), it's so much fun.

Dating is and should be a fun-filled activity. Meeting different people from different walks of life is interesting, particularly if you're into internet dating. Many of us by this time in our lives, are either divorced, separated, or widowed, which places us in the “singles” category.

I say don't just sit at home and veg away. Get online and try internet dating. (My girlfriend talked me into it!!) Be careful and smart about it though. You must use wisdom. Also, get out and meet others. You'll certainly find that you “still have it!” Nothing is more fun than dressing up and going out to meet up with others. Doesn't have to be one-on-one either. It can be in groups if you'd like. It can be done in public places (my recommendation particularly for first and second dates) like coffee shops, a restaurant, a park, a mall...any outdoor place where you're both not alone for starters. See if you can “catch a vibe” with the person and this will determine if there will be a second or subsequent dates.

Getting older and becoming a middle-ager is a wonderful time in our lives. We're wiser, more focused, more health-conscious, free from child-raising duties, etc. so if you happen to be single – get into the dating game. Share you experience with me while you're at it too. Pinky promise?

Christmas_Tree2_2010

Don’t you just enjoy Christmas? The festivities. The food. The fun. The gifts. The…everything about Christmas and in particular, Christmas in the islands!

I used to think that once I got older, I would lose the Christmas fever but at 50-plus, that has not yet happened. I don’t believe it ever will.

As a child, Christmas festivities were in full swing from the very week of Christmas, so by the time the actual day arrived, everyone in our home was all set. The night before, no one went to bed until around 2:00am, due to the fact that we were all so busy, with dad making sure all decorations we put up were still in place with all the lights working; my sister and I would be getting our hair done; mom would be baking rum cake, sorrel drink and preparing the meat dishes for the next day and my brothers would both be helping mom and dad. We would probably get a couple hours of shut-eye, but were back up by 4:00am or so on Christmas morning.

Now this was the highlight of our Christmas holiday – the events of Christmas morning! Our parents would give us money and we would head off to “Christmas Market” downtown. We would shop to our hearts’ content, and head back home with the tons of goodies we bought. That was the best time ever and it didn’t stop there.

My oldest brother was a musician who was the drummer on many of the popular songs at that time. Live shows musical shows were held and we were sure to be there, with backstage access after the show, every single year.

The Christmas Market and musical show routine went on for many, many years until we became adults so that spirit of excitement and anticipation never left me.

I’m happiest at Christmas time and I bet you are too!

Christmas 2008

Is dating a huge challenge for the 50-pluser?

By the time we get to our 50s, many of us would  have gone through some sort of change in our relationship with our significant other, be it by way of a divorce, separation or maybe even death.  We now find ourselves back on the road to living single which for many of us, in a unwelcomed event.

This is just another of the many life events that takes place as we age.

Dating as a middle-aged individual can be challenging and even scary for some people.  Scared of being or even ending up alone, and as a result,  we panic.  We then find ourselves in relationships we have no business getting into in the first place, only to often-times end up right back where we started.

When we were younger, we could afford to take chances here and there when dating, but as we mature, it’s quite a different story.

For me, I'm not fearful of this particular event in my life.  My thing is that I love companionship and the joy that it brings.  I’m very outgoing, love to dance and sing, love the movies and the outdoors among other things.  Now, there are times when I’m a happy camper doing some of these activities all by myself, but there are times when it would be so much more enjoyable with someone else.  Therefore, I do date but in doing so, I try to be very careful.  I’m sure you know you can never be too careful so no matter how hard you try, you can still end up making a bad choice.

I’m also finding that some folks are exhibiting a spirit of desperation which is the worst thing anyone could possibly do!  Desperation certainly leads to bad choices and opens up the door for disrespect, mistreatment, and abandonment...all the things we were probably never before exposed to.  We cannot afford to be desperate when dating!  Date with confidence and let THAT show.

Dating therefore shouldn't be challenging.  It should be a fun activity, because by now, we would have already gone through many things in our lives and now know what we want, and of course, what we don't want.

 

 

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